What is marketing ?

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say:
"I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing
 
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
 
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say:
"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Tele- marketing .
 
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride
You then say:
"By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
 
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says:
"You are very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.
 
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say:
"I'm rich. Marry me."
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback.


Interesting!!! isn't it?


Till Next Post,
Dinesh

How to Kill Husband! Funny

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
"I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, " I need it to poison my husband. "
The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed,
"Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!
They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
"Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription ."


hahahaha!!! 


Just for Funny,
Dinesh

Don't Lie to Mom - A Funny Story

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...who lives with a girl roommate Sunita.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was.


She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates.'


About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Kumar said: "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.'


So he sat down and wrote:


Dear Mother,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains
that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Kumar


Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read,


Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now under the pillow...
Love,
Mom.


Lesson:Don't Lie to Your Mother.... especially if she is Indian!!!

BEST JOKE COMPETITION

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night
and
he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies,
he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says,
"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied,
"It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour,
it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says,
"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies,
"Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

This particular joke won an award for the best joke
in a competition organized in Britain
and
this joke was sent by an INDIAN ... !!!

Santa Banta

Santa: today I made a fool of water?
Banta: how did you do that?
Santa: I heated some water for a bath and bathed with cold water

--------

Santa: My wife is still scared of water
Banta: how come?
Santa: yesterday when i went home,
she was in the bath tub with the security guard!!

----------


Santa to his wife: darling, years ago u had a figure like coke bottle.
Jeeto: yes darling i still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
now it's 1.5 ltr.

-----------

banta: you cheated me.
shopkeeper: no, i sold a good radio to you.
banta: radio label shows made in japan but radio says this is all india
radio!

-----------

nurse: congrats santa, you are a father.
santa: don't tell my wife, i want to surprise her!

------------

Everybody was angry with the hike in petrol prices
Santa: Sir, why are you so angry?
Sir: The petrol price is increasing day-by-day, this is not fair.
Santaji, you don't look worried?
Santa: Why should i worry. For me it is the same price.
Sir: how come?
Santa: Earlier also i filled for Rs 100 now also i fill for rs 100!
Sir: ???????????

Missing Husband

MISSING HUSBAND!!!!
A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:
Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.
The woman started crying
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Funny Leave Letters

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ...   

1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee  who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: 
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday." 

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying  for the post.

20 Rules in office

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20 Rules in any office   1. Rule 1. - The Boss is always   right.     2. Rule 2. - If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.       3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.   4. Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person,   the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number   of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.       5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you   will get out of it.       6.. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking   about themselves.     7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done   and what you are going to do.       8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.       9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.       10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.       11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn   fool about it...     12. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.       13.. Following the rules will not get the job done.       14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.       15. Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous" .       16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.     17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed   to be doing.     18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.     19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your   job.     20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for   everything that goes wrong.

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